I told myself for the longest time that I would not get a large mirror in my bathroom when I have my own house. The reason: I loved looking at myself in the mirror, especially the upper half of my body. Minutes would pass by as I flexed and appreciated the shapes, lines, the contours. So I would tell myself that I would not get large mirrors when I have my own house so as to not spend time in self-indulgent absorption. 

 

I have been an athlete since school and have been quite comfortable in my body. The occasional, “Do you work out?” from all genders did its fair share in keeping me secure. So for the two decades and a little more of my life, I was quite secure in my skin. 

 

Until one day a female classmate in my postgraduate course asked me out of the blue, “How are you so short? Maa baap ne Horlicks-Complan nahi pilaya?” (Did your parents not feed you Horlicks or Complan?)

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So short?

Now, at 5”6, I  certainly had no illusions about being a towering presence, but I had never thought of myself as “so short” either. Having spent my undergraduate years at a college where most of my peers were female, I had certainly been taller. I am the tallest in my family and every time I grew taller than a family member, it had been a moment of collective celebration. These were reasons enough for me to be comfortable in my own body. 

 

Those were my initial days in the course, and I had no rapport with the person in question. So at the age of 21, in the (supposed) times of political correctness, when this statement was made, I did not know how to respond. I just smiled uncomfortably. 

 

The words and the nonchalance with which the words were conveyed stayed with me. The same peer made it a point to generously comment on my height every time she had a chance. I didn't know how to react, what to say. In other conversations, words like “midget” were used—maybe jokes in good humour but they began to prick now. 

 

Twenty-one years of being secure in my body seemed to come to a halt. I was now cautious and hesitant in what I chose to wear, how I chose to stand. It did not help that I hung out with a buddy who is six feet and one inch tall. I was now conscious of my body, how people saw me. I was conscious. 

 

Seeing myself in the mirror was no longer a pleasant affair. I began to skip it altogether. I felt like a stranger in my own body. 

 

Thankfully, 21 years is a long time of being secure and I did not end up spiralling completely. I was able to revive comfort in my own skin to an extent. The most curious part of what had unfolded? The classmate, she was (and continues to be) shorter than me. 

 

As soon as I could gain the necessary detachment, I looked at the issue with curiosity and decided to find out how males around me felt inside their bodies. And how they had been made to feel. At that point, even as a male, I did not know how serious and pervasive the issue actually is. 

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According to research, just like women, men experience body image dissatisfaction (BID) and related disorders (Grogan, 2010). Earlier the Objectification Theory in research was used solely to study women but it began to include men with cultural changes causing objectification of males which in turn impacted how men felt in their bodies (Grogan, 2010). Further, most body image/dissatisfaction assessments tended to focus on feminine ideals and on areas of importance for females which led to an invalid approximation of body image dissatisfaction levels in males (Strother et al., 2012). To gain further insight,  I decided to speak to professionals who deal with different aspects of body image issues in males. 

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From a medical perspective, Dr. Wilona Annunciation MD, consultant psychiatrist, comments, "These days the number of men reaching out for emotional distress along with body image concerns has significantly increased and... I also get referrals from skin specialists or cosmetic surgeons who are approached by patients with body image concerns when they find anxiety, depression, or obsessive thoughts to be the core problem instead of the body shape or structure." Highlighting the gravity of these concerns she points out, "Negative body image or body dissatisfaction can frequently lead to overwhelming feelings of disappointment, shame, and guilt. It can also result in unhealthy behaviours like fad dieting, disordered eating, eating disorders, exercise addiction, and steroid abuse. It can also lead to more complicated mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, OCD, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, substance and behavioural dependence…additionally, it may have a negative effect on a person's social and professional life and result in other unhealthy behaviours." 

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Therapist, counsellor and life coach, Pritha Saha Dutta weighs in from the psychological perspective, “When it comes to body image issues, in women it is very overt whereas for men it is pretty covert, but it does impact their lives and decisions. Men probably will wear a certain colour or not go to a certain place or wear loose clothing or wear things that will make them look bigger or slimmer depending on their concerns.” Pritha recounts experiences she has had with male clients who deal with emotional eating and those concerned with their body due to hereditary conditions which put their health at risk. She explains how male clients who experience body-shaming early in their life struggle with low-self esteem which persists even after their body changes (favourably) in puberty, leading to excessive concerns with appearance, clothing and hair. Even the slightest gain in weight causes them to judge themselves and others as a projection of their struggles. She further points out, “Height shaming happens more than body shaming. But yes, unrealistic beauty standards affect men also and the men who are chubby or overweight experience a lot of bullying and are the butt of jokes which definitely affects their relationship with others and themselves and that with food.”

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Nutritionist and dietician, Dr. Mamatha Hiremath, says about men with body image issues,  “Their psychology is disturbed and it keeps getting perpetrated in a vicious cycle.” Job-related stress is a major contributor leading to unhealthy eating habits and sedentary jobs further result in lack of movement. These factors affect them psychologically as well. “When they gain weight it again affects their physical health—they suffer from other complications like high blood pressure and high cholesterol.” She elaborates, “When body-image is affected and the body becomes unfit, they will be unable to perform their activities, their endurance will come down. They may feel tired and they may experience sexual dysfunction - all of which further worsens mental health.” 

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Nidhin Puthussery, fitness coach, sports nutritionist, and callisthenics trainer, shares that many of his male clients experience body shaming, “They are usually concerned about body weight and belly fat. This not only affects  their self-confidence but they also eventually end up with a lot of medical issues.” These medical issues are related to hormonal imbalances, obesity and challenges caused by diabetes (Type 2). As a coach, his fitness philosophy is based on keeping them active. For this, he gets his clients to do strength training and recommends eating nutritious food. 

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As a final note, Dr Wilona states, “There is still a stereotype of what a man should be like in society i.e. powerful both physically and mentally, or as they are called when they are muscular and lean, "masculine". Men are at a higher risk of many mental health conditions, and are more likely to go on to die by suicide. They often struggle to reach out for help because of societal demands such as being the provider, being strong, being self-reliant and holding a stiff upper lip in the face of emotion." 

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A constant question that comes up during the discussion on body shaming is, what if the comments were well intended? What if they were meant in good humour? There is something to be said about that too. Rajiv, 23, sheds light on it, “The first time it's funny because maybe they just thought of it. Then they just keep pushing that joke down your throat. If you do that, you're just really trying to be hurtful.” 

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What has helped these men deal with their body image issues? The two most important factors have been: acceptance from loved ones and constant self-reassurance.

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 “Appearance-wise, yes, there are some things I need to work on. But I think I have to give myself constant reassurance that it's okay to be like this. You don't have to beat yourself up over that thing,” says Feroz.

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 Jay comments,  “First of all I try to calm myself that all bodies are beautiful.  I try to concentrate on my own health rather than listening to others.”

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 “I think one of the best ways is to educate yourself about this. And the other is to have a compass within you. For instance, I just accept that I'm very attractive.  I tell myself that these are the truths I should remember. And I use them as an anchor so even though my thoughts might wander off  I come back to these truths,” says John. 

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Research on body-image concerns backed this point: "by equipping individuals with a self-protective cognitive style, previously damaging appearance-focused messages may become more benign" (Halliwell, 2015, p. 11). 

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Rajiv concludes on a reassuring note, "People love different body sizes, different shapes. There’s people for everyone. So you do you."  Interestingly, research by Grogan (2010) substantiated this: "women and men who identified with groups which subscribed to a broader range of body-related norms were more satisfied than those who had internalised a narrower and less realistic set of ideals." (p. 763).

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A common thread that ran through all my conversations is that body image issues in men are seldom spoken about, that any attempt to voice these issues is usually thwarted, with some even calling it one of the most underrepresented issues ever. I may not be an authority on representation, but I do know that even as a man, I had no idea how traumatic and life-altering the impact of body shaming could be, how persistent and pervasive body-image issues end up being, how much men suffer silently. 

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Through this journey, I was forced to relook, examine and evaluate my own bias and prejudice and the numerous “harmless” comments I passed and the impact they could have had. There is supposed to be a comfort in knowing I am not alone but honestly, it is more unsettling when I realise how unspeakably uncomfortable so many men feel every single day in their own bodies. All I can do is be a little softer and kinder the next I speak to my male loved ones. That’s all anyone can do.